Adoption & Race - Why I Am Completely Exhausted

Hey everybody! Remember me?

I haven't been here in over a year. And I won't waste your time with all the reasons why. I will say the underlying reasons are:

1. I am really busy with family and ministry work
2. As much as I love writing, I have spent almost a year and a half telling myself that I'm too busy to get it done (See reason #1)

And the thing is this... A quick survey of the current state of my home would reveal a kitchen sink full of dirty dishes, baskets of laundry to put in dresser drawers and floors needing to be cleaned and vacuumed. (I did manage to thoroughly clean my bathroom this weekend, so all hope is not lost...)

Anyway, since I don't see life getting any less busy, I've decided to apply my butt to the seat* and commence writing here again.

But enough about my blog reunion and on to why I'm here...

For about a year now I have had a book idea, and since I haven't begun writing yet, today it remains just that - an idea. So this is my attempt at getting this idea out there. Putting some flesh on it. Seeing if anyone else out there is thinking about this stuff too.

So what's the idea? So glad you asked.

My idea is a convergence of two seemingly unrelated topics that I have spent a lot of time talking and writing about. Both topics are pretty hot right now - especially in the Church.

The topics are - ADOPTION and RACE.

As an adoptive mom of color who works in the adoption and foster care ministry space, I am finding these topics intersect more and more. Recently at a community Race Conversation my husband Anthony is co-leading, a brave young African American man in his early twenties volunteered to share his perspective on race, having been adopted by his white dad and black mom. The topics were completely intertwined for him as a young man of color and an adult adoptee.

For me it was confirmation. Race and adoption are absolutely connected. I hope to prove that as I share here over the coming weeks and months.

But before I dive in, I have a confession to make.

I am facing huge pushback as I open my heart and share on race, and that pushback can be translated into another word - EXHAUSTION.

I am utterly exhausted over the issue of race. And instead of giving a multi-paragraph dissertation on why I'm exhausted, I'll just list the reasons for you here.

• I'm exhausted by being the only African American woman in many rooms I enter
• I'm exhausted by vacillating between being the object of intrigue in the room (because I'm different) or feeling invisible (because I'm different)
• I'm exhausted by daily news feeds - another unarmed black man killed, controversy over Civil War memorials, white supremacist groups marching in city streets around the country, etc. etc.
• I'm exhausted over the (often subconscious) need to prove that I am articulate, intelligent and capable
• I'm exhausted over reading ongoing arguments on social media about race - often between complete strangers
• I'm exhausted over the fear for black men in my life (especially my young adult and teen sons), knowing that black men are feared by individuals from every other people group
• I'm exhausted after walking my daughters through mean comments about their natural hair and skin color
• I'm exhausted over sharing my experiences with others, then having to prove that those experiences are absolutely tied to my race

And yet, I am committed to press through my exhaustion and continue to share here. I will continue to draw out connectors to adoption, though honestly, I'm pretty exhausted as an adoptive mom too. (But that's a subject for another post.)

So if you'll allow me an exhausted rant or two every now and then, I'll keep coming back if you will.

I hope we can learn and grow together.

We'll do it here in Deep Waters.







* G-rated adaptation of writer Dorothy Parker's famous quote - "Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat." :)