Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man: My Response

My last two weeks have been full of household appliance repairs, a car in need of repairs, ministry strains, etc, etc. On top of that, I've experienced disappointment in my writing career. But that's a story for another blog...

So this past Sunday, after a quick nap, I did what any fed-up-with-real-life woman would do.

I went to the movies.

And not any old movie. A comedy. I chose to see "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", based on the book by comedian-turned-actor-turned-radio host-turned-bestselling author Steve Harvey.

Let me first say, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. I enjoyed the humor, the fresh take on relationships, and the all-star cast of upperly-mobile African American folks.

So today, I thought I'd take a look at the movie -- what I'd take away and what I'd leave.

Take Aways

First of all, the movie was terribly funny. Despite the profanity (I've gotten pretty sensitive to profanity in my older age), I found myself laughing-out-loud quite a bit. The cast played off one another with quick wit.

And I applaud screenwriters Keith Merryman and David A. Newman for taking a nonfiction book and translating it into a lighthearted drama. Very creative indeed.

Also, I like much of Steve's message to women. He obviously wants to empower us ladies in our relationships with men, in a culture where we have often been misused and abused. His underlying message: we should be respected, loved and cherished by our men.

Steve encourages women to set the stage for that kind of treatment in the earliest stages of our relationships. And when we don't receive it, he tells us to slide into our walking shoes.

An example of Steve's message that speaks volumes: "Boys shack. MEN build homes." Now that alone could preach!

Leave It There's

I know Steve Harvey doesn't claim to be a preacher, but my mind immediately sized his message up with the Word.

Now let me just say that if the book and movie had come from a biblical perspective, it wouldn't have sold a quarter of the books or tickets it did. So I get that.

However, let's talk a little about the "90-day rule."

(Plot-spoiler: the 90-day rule instructs a woman to wait at least 90-days before she becomes intimate with a man she's dating. Steve calls this "giving up the cookies.")

I appreciate setting a standard for a woman giving up "the cookies." In this day of one-night-stands and revolving doors, somebody has to start setting some standards.

But what about encouraging folks to wait until marriage? How has celibacy become such an archaic concept today?

I'm finding that even in the church, people often believe every single thing the Bible says -- except that sex should be reserved for marriage. What's that about? I'm not saying people don't make mistakes. But there's a generation of people today that have chosen to completely toss any reference about pre-marital sex out of the Bible. And I just don't get it.

Either the Bible is totally true or it's all a farce.

My Version of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man
  • First of all I'd entitle it Act Like a Lady, Think Like Jesus, the God-Man (I know, I know. I'd sell about two tickets!)
  • My underlying message -- Be the woman God wants you to be so you're ready for the man He has for you
  • Also, trust Him to bring that man in His time, not yours
  • And absolutely, as archaic as it might sound -- Save "the cookies" until marriage, not just 90-Days!
There's so much more that can be said, but I think you get the point. Be God's Girl. Search His Word for your dating rule book. You'll be blessed for sure.

Love ya,


Have you tried things your way with dating in the past? Has God's way been proven better? I'd love some feedback!


  1. Love your revised title! I know the feeling on repairs - got the central air unit fixed (then needed the heat it got cold again) go figure

    1. Thanks for your comment and for reading this post Laura. You feel my pain!!

  2. I love your view point on this! The irony is that most of us christians are looking to the world for to solve our crises. We already know what the Word says but we try to conform to it's standards. I also believe that despite what we have done in our past that we should promote abstinence and upholding the old ways of courting. I too saw and loved the movie. May God continue to bless you and your ministry.

    1. Hi Lolo! Thanks for visiting "Deep Waters." I totally agree with you. Instead of viewing it as entertainment and staying connected to the culture, we actually buy into a lot of the information out there. And we've got the Ultimate Guide in our possession! I appreciate your blessings. Blessings back to you Sister!

  3. Great post, Carla!! I love your spin on it. :) I may have to see the movie now. As for the abstinence portion: I just read in the book Discontinuity and Hope that the number of U.S. unmarried couples living together with children 15 years of age and younger increased from 196,000 in 1979 to 1,319,000 in 1995. That’s a huge jump! Then I read in another statistic that in 2010 45% of all U.S. households were unmarried. Who knows how much more that's increased by 2012. The world has rejected the "archaic" principle to wait, but you just keep preachin Carla! The truth will always be true. :)

    1. Thanks for that encouragement Monique! And thanks for those stats. I haven't seen those and need to pick up that book. The world is changing by the day, but isn't it comforting to have a God who's "the same yesterday, today and forever"?!

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  5. I would buy your book. And, I cannot agree more about saving the cookies. Even when I am speaking to women in the church now, I am often amazed at how many think intimacy with a man before marriage is ok and no big deal. Sad really. I may have to go see this movie, I am always up for a good laugh.

    1. Thanks Chelle. And you know I'd buy yours, Girl. Many of us have chosen to toss His truth right out the window. Glad I'm not alone in observing this.

  6. Love this. Thanks for sharing. I'm planning to see it soon.

    1. Thanks for reading and reposting Lisa! Appreciate you!

  7. I will definitely go see this movie as you have really piqued my interest.

    I teach 4-year-old Pre-Kindergarten and every day I see the "nuclear fall-out" effect that men and women living together casually outside of marriage has on their young children.

    Your church sounds very interesting and I love the name "Mosaic." Is it a multi-racial church? As a Caucasian church musician who played for years in an African Methodist Episcopal church, I was the only Caucasian who stepped foot inside. My vision is for God's "Rainbow Church" survive and thrive on earth as it will in Heaven.
    I have a poetry collection along this theme published, available on Amazon.com. It is called "It's a Di-VERSE World" by E J Lovick. I'd be happy if you'd check it out.

    Also, I'd love to connect with you about becoming a free-lance writer. How can I glean some of your insights on this topic?

    Be blessed, and I hope to hear back from you.

    In Christ,
    E. Joy Lovick

    1. Hi E. Joy! So nice to meet you here in "Deep Waters." Thanks for visiting. Mosaic (www.mosaicchurch.net) is a multi-racial church. We're intentional about opening our doors to any and everybody, regardless of color or economic status. There's a sprinkling of churches like ours around. Maybe there's one in your area. I will definitely check out your poetry collection. It sounds wonderful. As far as the freelance question, if you can connect with me through Facebook (Carla Adair Hendricks) or Twitter (@carlaahendricks). I've got lots of info. for you. Too much for this space!

  8. I haven't seen the movie, I skimmed the book. I love your perspective. It is on point and true, Your revised title is awesome! And yes, ladies, save the cookies for marriage.

    1. Thanks Pam for visiting Deep Waters and commenting here. Appreciate you Lady!!!