DEEP WATERS

I don't fully understand what happens inside. I can't explain the shift. But it seems that when we experience loss, our eyes are opened to others around us that have lost as well. We feel just a little deeper for those experiencing pain. We are more empathetic, more sensitive, more aware somehow. Living through loss can be devastating. I've share a lot about the loss I experienced in 2015, when my Mom and Dad became very ill and passed away three weeks apart from one another. Since then, I've had days when my grief followed me around like a storm cloud, threatening to send a lightening bolt right through the heart of me. Days that storms brought thunder that shook the ground beneath my feet, threatening to upend me. Days that I've moved through the day as if on auto-pilot. I've also had days, and now weeks, when I can feel God's healing balm within me. Days that I believe I'm stronger and wiser and better than before. Days that I know I...

I've been putting off writing this post for days now. I've wanted to share so much, but I just couldn't make myself sit down and start writing. Well here goes y'all... I'll start with a little backstory. Many of you know I lost my parents in early 2015, exactly 3 weeks apart from one another. I've shared this story and several stories  highlighting all that the Lord showed me through my parents during those last weeks with them. This past Wednesday, January 20th, was the anniversary of my father's death . I didn't know what to expect or how I'd feel. For the most part, it was a regular day. But as I look back, this week I've felt an undercurrent of sadness. Just below the surface. I'm still grieving for sure. Think I will be for a while now. And for some reason, I'm okay with that. I don't feel like I have to be strong or brave. And I think God's okay with it too. The Word tells us Christians that we shouldn't gri...

When I wrote my last post a week ago, I had no idea I was about to lose my father. He appeared to be getting better, had begun pulling out from his post operative delirium and had begun talking again. He'd even begun telling others that he wanted my mother moved to his hospital room "to talk business." Well, my Daddy's business now is spending time with Jesus and all the loved ones that beat him to heaven... I wanted to write this post to share just a bit about my Dad and what he meant to me. A dear friend said it so well in a text to me today... "He was a smart, loving, funny, warm and generous man. Oh and good looking!"  Anyone who knew him would have used the same words to describe him. Even the hospital staff adored him. They called him "Mr. Carl", and in a Baltimore accent, it sounded more like "Mr. Cawl." We all loved him. But God loved him more. So He decided to take him Home. I'm so grateful for the 45 years ...

When I began this blog series on Monday, I had no idea how many posts I'd write. As I began reminiscing over the four weeks I spent in Maryland beside my parents' hospital beds, I realized I could write an entire book. Yet all things on this side of heaven come to an end. And it seems I'm writing my next to last post in this series. Tomorrow will be the last. First, a quick recap for those joining me for the first time... Eleven days before Christmas, I boarded a 6am flight to Maryland after hearing that my Mom had been rushed to ICU. She suffered a serious infection, her body went into septic shock and she spent 14 long days in ICU.  Those days were long and trying, yet we began to see miracles unfold before our eyes. I've shared some of those miracles along the way.  I've also shared the setbacks. Like the fact that my Dad, who'd been planted beside my mother every single day, suffered a horrible fall, leading to the discovery of a degenerativ...

My Beautiful Parents: Lovely and Refined as Always After spending over a month watching my parents' health quickly decline, I have spent many hours sitting by their bedside, talking with my Mom and Dad and visiting with the many family members and friends that have visited them.  One more thing I did a lot of -- think.  And talk with the Lord. Now that I'm back in Arkansas with my husband and kids, I find myself still thinking quite a bit. And feeling a lot.  So this blog series is the baby birthed out of all that thinking. And praying. And feeling.  There's so much I could share... About the way my father's hand felt as I held it after his second surgery. How it felt to tuck my mother in at night before I left the hospital, placing her sheets and blankets snuggly around her shoulders. How it felt nurturing and loving, and made me wonder when exactly I had reversed roles with the woman who had tucked me in bed every night as a child. How I watched...