DEEP WATERS

I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But... This holiday season, it seems I just keep hearing about one sad situation after another. Here's a sampling of a few: A teen girl struggling with life-altering anxiety and depression A young mom of two beginning chemotherapy after undergoing a double mastectomy A mom of two adopted kids out of work and facing the threat of homelessness And the very worst of all... The mama whose mental illness and hopelessness led her to take her own life - just weeks before Christmas. The holidays can be a wonderful time filled with faith, family and fun.  The holidays can also be a difficult time, a time when problems magnify, at least in our own minds.   What makes matters worst is that it's also a time we assume we should be happy and joyful. After all, Christmas is a time that we celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior. We sing... Joy to the World, the Lord is come! Let earth receive her King! We sing beautifu...

I don't fully understand what happens inside. I can't explain the shift. But it seems that when we experience loss, our eyes are opened to others around us that have lost as well. We feel just a little deeper for those experiencing pain. We are more empathetic, more sensitive, more aware somehow. Living through loss can be devastating. I've share a lot about the loss I experienced in 2015, when my Mom and Dad became very ill and passed away three weeks apart from one another. Since then, I've had days when my grief followed me around like a storm cloud, threatening to send a lightening bolt right through the heart of me. Days that storms brought thunder that shook the ground beneath my feet, threatening to upend me. Days that I've moved through the day as if on auto-pilot. I've also had days, and now weeks, when I can feel God's healing balm within me. Days that I believe I'm stronger and wiser and better than before. Days that I know I...

My Parents in their Twilight Years -- Still Sharp and Beautiful Last year Easter was very challenging for me.  When Easter arrived last year, I was reeling from the loss of my parents just months before. I was deep in the "acute grief" that a counselor had taught me about, given me vocabulary for and helped to walk me through. Honestly, I don't even remember anything that happened on Easter day last year. I think I was pretty numb to the celebration of Jesus' death and resurrection. In my head I knew that He'd given me - and the whole world - the most awesome gift ever when He died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead.  But last year, I wasn't exactly feeling it. This year has been different. As I've approached Resurrection Sunday, I have been very contemplative. I've thought a lot about the depth of Jesus' sacrifice. I've been reading the Passion story -- the story of Jesus' death, burial and resurrectio...

T'was the day before Christmas, when all through the house... I wish I could say not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse in my home. But... we still have gift-wrapping to do and grocery shopping and cooking and baking. And yet, I had to take a break from my holiday preparations to write the final post in this blog series. As I've connected with friends and family members, it seems I'm not the only one grieving loved ones this season. And I'm certainly not the only one working through hurts and disappointments and major life transitions. So if you, or someone you love, is balancing loss and grief while also celebrating the most precious Gift we've ever received - our Savior, Jesus Christ - this post is for you. In my first two posts, I shared the two ways to help a grieving loved one during the holidays: expressing empathy and the Gift of Presence . Today I want to share another. It's pretty simple, but I've had confirmation over the last f...

This week I experienced another "first". Of course having just relocated back to Tennessee, I've experienced lots of firsts. My first Thanksgiving back in Franklin. My first day of work at New Hope Academy. But this week I experienced another kind of "first". On Wednesday, December 9th, I had my first birthday without my parents. Earlier this year I shared quite a bit about my parents' illnesses, and a few weeks later, their deaths. It's been a difficult year without them. Their absence has left a hole in my heart. A place that I don't think anything or anyone will fill. It's a space that I think even Jesus will allow to remain empty until I see Him face-to-face. Until I see my parents again too. As Christmas quickly approaches, I've been thinking about what the holiday will be like without my parents. Almost every Christmas we've traveled 18 hours to spend the holiday with our families in Maryland. This year will be so di...

Kalin, Anthony and Me in front of Kalin's MTSU dorm It's the day after we dropped my first-born Kalin off at college.  I'm a little sad. (My baby boy has grown up and started a new season away from the nest.) I'm a little bewildered. (How is that my baby boy has grown up so quickly?) I'm a little nervous. (He's on a huge campus. Will he make it to all of his classes on time? Will he study hard? Will he eat at least one real meal today?) But mostly I am very grateful.  I'm grateful that I know Kalin was ready to be launched to college. (Oh sure -- he barely cleans his room; stays up way too late watching movies, writing lyrics and dropping beats; and sleeps in as late as humanly possible in the morning...)  Yet I think of my red-headed boy today and see a mature, responsible young man who's had a clear direction in life for many, many years now. I see a young man who studies well, reads ravenously and takes school seriously. I see a yo...

My Mom with former Baltimore Mayor & State's Attorney Kurt Schmoke  I haven't shared much here recently. While the whirlwind of my life has slowed some, most days I find myself pushing through, working through fatigue and grief. I haven't even spoken about the upheaval in my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland. My hometown that I still love deeply. I've watched lots of footage. I've had several conversations. I have many, many thoughts.  I just haven't felt led to write about it. And yet life goes on... Tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I'm finding myself experiencing a mixture of emotions. I'm happy to be a Mom. So blessed to have four beautiful, healthy children. Children that amaze me with their multiple gifts and talents. Children that make me laugh until my side hurts. Children that also drive me crazy - almost literally.  Children that God saw fit to bless me with through the miracle of birth and the wonder of adoption. My...

My Mother, A Born Leader I've experienced that moment already... On Saturday, February 21, family and friends joined together to reflect on and celebrate my Mom's life. After a difficult illness and weeks of hospitalization, my Mom passed away on Tuesday, February 10. I was there the day she passed. I'd watched her grow more and more ill throughout her last weeks here.  And yet, the reality of my mother's passing - and my Dad's - is taking a while to sink in. I've even experienced that moment already... That moment when something happens or something is said or I see something interesting, and I think,  I can't wait to tell Mommy about this. The first time was immediately after her Homegoing Celebration.  We'd laughed. We'd cried. We'd reminisced. And I believe we presented my mother with a service that she would have felt honored to witness. I think she would have been quite pleased. I think she also would have been am...